It's a Love-Hate Thing
by AveryLamb
Summary: My first fan fic ever. Hopefully it will be OK. From Draco's POV, post-Hogwarts. Mature themes (read: smut/lemon) forthcoming. Draco/Harry slash fic. Feedback welcome! Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Harry Potter.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I know this is a super-short first chapter, but it seemed to be a good start. There will be smut/lemons/whatever you wanna call it later on.

* * *

I hated him.

I had extended the hand of friendship first. I reached out to him. _He_ turned _me_ down. I was only ten, yet I was smitten the first time I saw him. Yes, I was smitten. I hated him…yet I also loved him. I couldn't help it. I dreamed of running my fingers through his impossible mop of black hair, and the way his emerald eyes looked at me so frankly, I was afraid he could see into my head and know the way I thought about him. The way I had dreamt about him every single night since the time I first laid eyes on him.

My "contempt" had all been an act. It was to put everyone off the trail, to keep them from even guessing how much I longed for that small, skinny boy. Apparently, it worked too well - he thought I hated him. And I did, to a point. I hated the way he looked at me, like I didn't even deserve to live. I hated it even more when he looked at me with pity in those gemstone eyes. I hated how my body reacted when we were near each other, and the way it tingled all the way to my toes when our eyes met.

I tried so hard to ignore him and avoid him. It never worked; he was always turning up when I least expected and least wanted him to. Instead of pressing myself against him, I sneered at him, spitting out his last name, "_Potter_", as if it tasted bitter...which it did. Instead of crushing my lips against his, I insulted him.

Nothing worked. After ten years, I still couldn't forget. Not anything. Certainly not the way he looked at me that first day at Hogwarts. There was no way in hell he would look at me now. After Voldemort died, Harry began his training as an Auror, and everywhere he went people loved him. Why would he even look at me? He was dating Ginny, one of those red-headed Weasley rats. Hey, just because I was in love with Harry didn't mean I liked the Weasleys any better. Harry probably didn't even know what happened to me after the war, nor did he care, most likely. My father went to Azkaban and my mother went crazy and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. My so-called friends abandoned me when they realized the Malfoy fortune was gone. Meanwhile, The Boy Who Fucking Lived had everything: money, friends, a partner, and a sweet job. I was stuck behind the counter in a shoddy pub. It was humiliating for a Malfoy, but it was that or starve.

On the other hand, was life without Harry Potter worth living?


	2. Chapter 2

You know those times when you're so in love with someone that you put yourself in a position you _know_ you'll get hurt in, just to be close to the one you love? Fuck love.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

* * *

"Hey Draco." Pansy Parkinson was the only one of my "friends" to actually keep in contact with me - somewhat - and probably the one I least wanted around. Just more of my stellar luck. I nodded and looked up from the glass I was drying long enough that she knew I was listening, but not long enough to actually look at her. I can't believe I dated her for a while.

"Harry Potter is having and open house for his twenty-first birthday." She looked pleased, and I had no idea why, unless she was suddenly enamored with the most well-known wizard alive, just like everyone else was. Everybody loves Potter.

Including me.

This time I _did_ look at her, my gray eyes cool. "And why did you think this would interest me?" I asked, keeping my poker face, while my heart raced. I was actually undecided. My head said _no_ and my heart said _yes_. It would be painful, to say the least...again watching Harry lavish affection on those Weasleys and that Mudblood, Granger. But I would get to see _him_ again. Was it worth it? In a way, I was almost glad for the paparazzi who followed him around taking photos constantly. But a mere photograph in a newspaper wasn't the same as being near him.

She shrugged and sat in a bar chair and traced the woodgrain of the worn counter. "Hey, it's free drinks and free food."

She had a point. I could always use free drinks and free food. Especially the drinks.

"So, are you going to go?" She twirled her hair in her fingers and chewed on the ends. Gross. _So_ glad I broke up with her.

I shrugged in my methodically-perfected nonchalant manner. "Free drinks and free food, how could I turn it down?"

"I'll meet you here at your flat on Saturday, at 7. It _is_ on Saturday, you don't have plans, do you?"

I groaned inwardly. Hopefully she didn't think this was going to be a date, just a friend thing. Oh, and my "flat" was hardly more than a glorified B&B room. But I just nodded, hoping she would leave soon.

Thankfully, she did, and I was left alone with my thoughts.

* * *

I both dreaded and anticipated Saturday. I hadn't seen Harry (in person) in at least a year. The last time I saw him, I had bumped into him - literally - in Diagon Alley. It was completely on accident, I swear.

_Diagon Alley was bustling with foot traffic, and though it was usually busy, today it seemed busier. Must be a sale on wands or something, I thought sarcastically. A cart full of animal cages was coming towards me, so I backed into a tiny side alley between two stone buildings. The alley was barely wider than my shoulders. I felt something soft behind me, and an "oof" sound. I turned around, but there was nobody in the alley._

_"Show yourself!" I demanded. I drew my wand and started sidling down the alley, until I was up against the back wall and I knew whoever it was was trapped. I poked my wand and again felt something soft. "I know you're there. You're trapped, and I'm not leaving until you show yourself."_

_Slowly, like a curtain being drawn, a human shape was revealed. "Lumos," I murmured, and gasped._

_A sheepish Harry Potter looked at me._

_I was too shocked to say anything, and just stared at him. I was also surprised that he had revealed himself to me at all, instead of Apparating out of there while still anonymous._

_"Malfoy," he said, clearing his throat. "Please don't tell anyone."_

_I just turned and left the alley without saying anything, my mind swirling. I didn't know why he had allowed me into that confidence. It was evidently a Cloak of Invisibility, the best one I'd ever seen. Was it possible he had moved past all the abuse I had hurled at him while at Hogwarts? Was it possible that he had friendly feelings for me now, after all these years? My questions went unanswered..._

But since then I hadn't heard from him.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Finally got around to writing another chapter. I hope you like it!**

* * *

It was Pansy who Apparated us both to Harry's house. Apparently she had been there before, which was news to me. Then again, she had probably just stood outside and peeked in the windows.

The house was like Potter: modest and unassuming. It looked quite comfortable. I could hear music playing, and the house appeared full of people. _This was _such _a bad idea._ "He moved," Pansy said, interrupting my thoughts. "He used to live at Grimmauld Place." Like I really cared where he _used_ to live? "Let's go in." She grabbed my arm and pulled me up to the door. I shrugged out of her grip, and wondered if we were supposed to knock, but she went ahead and opened the door.

There were people everywhere. I'm not particularly fond of people, especially a lot of people in a small space. "Come on!" Pansy said impatiently. I followed her in. She greeted a few people that she knew, then told me she was going to get refreshments. I stood by the door, receiving more than one dirty look. I didn't even see Harry. I pushed through the crowd and found an unoccupied corner with an overstuffed chair.

I don't know how long I sat there, ignoring everyone around me. I finally stood, getting ready to leave, when I heard a cheer of "here's the birthday boy!" Reflexively, I looked towards the sound, and shivered inside as my eyes inadvertently captured the emerald gaze of none other than Harry Potter.

Our eyes held for a moment that felt like forever, before I looked away and turned to escape. In my befuddled state I went down a hall and found myself in a bedroom. I laid on the bed, breathing heavily, staring at the ceiling. _I should just Apparate home_, I thought, but didn't. Irrationally, I hoped to see Harry one more time before I left.

After a few minutes I recognized a familiar scent…vanilla, with a hint of citrus. I bolted up, and looked around. It was Potter's room. Well, duh, it was Potter's house. But why couldn't it have been a guest room I stumbled into? I felt nervous being in here, but my curiosity got the better of me and I stood slowly, and picked up the photo of Harry's parents. I stared at it a moment, then set it back down and walked slowly around the room, looking at the memorabilia, inhaling the vanilla-and-citrus scent.

The door opened suddenly, before I could do anything, and I guiltily set the framed photo I was holding down. I looked up and saw none other than Harry Potter. He looked at me with a puzzled look on his face.

"Sorry," I muttered. "I was just about to leave."

"What are you doing here, Malfoy?" he asked evenly.

"I was just getting away from the noise. I didn't mean to intrude." I actually felt bad. Being such a famous figure, he probably had no privacy at all.

He sighed. "So was I." He sat on the bed, and patted the mattress next to him. "Come sit with me. I haven't seen you in forever."

That was a surprise to me…I had expected to be thrown out or something. I didn't sit next to him though; I stood by the door, leaning against the wall, and crossing my arms defensively.

There was a minute of awkward silence, then he asked, "So…what have you been up to?"

I shrugged. "Not much. You?"

It was his turn to shrug. "You know. Catching bad wizards. Nothing new."

More awkward silence. I should say something. I didn't know what to say. This was not going how I had imagined any of the thousand scenarios I could have met Harry Potter in. I exhaled and went to sit next to him on the bed. My stomach was full of butterflies. Unconsciously, I leaned closer to him to smell the vanilla-and-citrus scent. At least sitting next to him I didn't have to look at him. I leaned back a little, and my fingers brushed his accidentally. A jolt of electricity ran through me, and my fingers tingled. "Sorry," I muttered, and scooted a few inches away from him.

A minute later, I felt his warm hand cover mine. My heart pounded. I looked over at him. He was studying my face, his expression unreadable. I avoided looking directly into his green eyes. "I've wondered about you," he said softly. He paused. "I…" he sighed and shook his head. "Can we…" my breath caught "be friends?" He took a deep breath. "Let's put the past behind us. Let bygones be bygones. Start over."

That was the best thing I had heard in a long time. I could feel his eyes on me as I nodded. "Friends." I offered my hand, and he shook it. I thrilled at his touch. I lifted my eyes to meet his, and smiled a little. He offered a genuine warm smile in return, and I was filled with more happiness than I had ever known. I held his hand until it was awkward again, then dropped it. I never wanted to let him go, and I wouldn't again.

"I'd better get back to my guests," Harry said finally.

I nodded. "I'm going to go home."

"We need to hang out soon," Harry said, flashing me another heart-rending smile. "I'll send an owl," he continued, before disappearing out the door.

I nodded, smiling to myself. I stretched out on his bed, then rolled over and buried my face in his pillow which was full of his scent. I didn't want to move, but when I heard another step in the hall, I quickly Apparated back home.


End file.
